The Dating Experience

Background checks are something that I have heard friends do on people they were dating but it is something I still have not done. I am not sure I would do one, really. I guess I have not reached a point where I felt that was necessary.

On the other hand, I know of at least two cases in which a friend (both women) ran a background check on someone they were seeing. I don’t think the guys did anything negative that would make my friends feel the need to do a background check except – it was more for comfort.

First case:
My friend, in her mid-twenties, met a guy through friends. Everything seemed to be going well and they were starting to get very close. But, there was something about him that bothered her. She ran a background check on him and she found something in the report that she did not like. Mainly, it had to do with drinking but it was enough that she did not want to continue the relationship.

Second case:
My friend, in her early forties, met someone online. Honestly, I really don’t remember the guy doing anything to warrant the background check – sometimes I wonder if it was not an excuse to break up with the guy. The truth is, she was worried she was marrying below her social status (yes, this was someone living in the USA). She was also concerned about the guy’s income potential and credit background. When the background check came back, she was impressed to see that the man she was dating had an income that was better than she expected and a favorable credit report. I always thought the guy was a decent man especially considering everything my friend put him through. About a year after they met, they married.

I cite these two examples to point out that background checks are performed by people of all ages, by people that met online and the different reasons for running checks and their results. I am not sure if you are at a greater risk of meeting someone dangerous by going online but it is interesting to see that in my examples, the online suitor was the one with a squeaky clean record.

I am not sure how I would feel if someone I was seeing ran a background check on me. I guess it depends on where we were in the relationship or why they ran the check. If we had been dating for some time and were very close, I guess I would be offended if she ran a check on me – my feelings would be that if we had come this far and were very close, why did she not feel comfortable in asking me about my possible skeletons? Or, did she not have enough trust in me to believe me? I might be offended, too, if she ran the background check to make sure I made enough money. Is she a gold digger?

I want to hear how you feel about: Would you be offended if you found out someone had run background on you? Has someone run a check on you and what were the results? On the other hand, have you run a check on someone and what was the outcome? What were your reasons for initiating the check?