The Dating Experience

I’ve had two first dates in the past 5 days with women I met online. They both had great profiles in which they were not afraid to express themselves and to share a little about their interests and desires. Their photos were also pretty good – not great but good enough to spark an interest. (What I mean by this is that you just got an idea about their physical appearance but the photos told a lot about their interests and relationships with friends and family.) In both cases, we had a pretty good dialogue going via emails and phone calls and I was looking forward to meeting both.

Before each date, I took a shower, shaved and took time picking out something nice to wear. This was going to be the first time we met in person so I wanted to make a good impression. Unfortunately, I was disappointed that they did not make an effort to do the same. Both looked like they grabbed the first thing available and threw it on. What’s worse, the clothing made them look completely different from what I saw on their profiles and what I was expecting. I don’t even think they bothered to put on make up!

OK, some of you are saying I am too superficial, right? Here’s my take on this: You should always try to make a good first impression whether it is for business or for love. I have made it clear in my profile of who I am and the type of mate that I am looking for. The way these women showed up is totally out of character with what I am looking for. Furthermore, if you are not willing to try to look good for a first date, things can only go down from here (at least for someone with my expectations).

I am not sure why people think that online dating means you can throw caution to the wind when dating. ‘Accept me as I am’ is what people think. While that is a valid desire, first you have to want people to be attracted to you. Let’s face it, most people meeting you for the first time are not going to notice your wonderful character first. They are going to first be physically interested in you. I don’t know about you but the process goes something like this for me: “She looks interesting, I should go over there and get her story.” Yes, it is possible to be first attracted to people by their humor or intelligence but this is something that can’t always be judged from across the room or via an online profile.

The most important reason I think you need to make a good first impression with someone you first met online is because of competition. Take me for example: in the last 10 days I have had three first dates. I know of people that have a first date almost every day. The truth is that people that are dating online have a short attention span and or patience. I don’t mean to say they suffer from ADD. Instead, they may have a new profile show up on their mailbox that looks just as or more interesting than the last one. I have had this happen to me several times: I have what I think is a good dialogue with someone and all of the sudden she disappears – no emails and her profile is gone before I even get to meet them in person.

Making a first impression does not mean just concentrating on your physical appearance. I know first dates can be awkward but you also need to be at your best – have something to say, show some interest. I have gone out with several women that had interesting emails but once we were on an actual date they just sat their with a smile, saying nothing or only answering ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I thought they were bored and decided not to pursue them. Later I would get an email from them telling me what a great time they had and that they wanted to go out again – really?!

I have already written on the type of women that show up at these Russian tours and I will write a little more on them in the near future. Since many of you are curious as to what type of man would make these tours, I thought I would share my observations.

First off, there were a few guys like me: I am interested in finding true love but I am also realistic with my expectations. I try not to allow my judgment to be clouded by a room full of beautiful women. I know there are some here just for fun, some that are looking for a meal ticket or sugar daddy and some that are truly looking for love. As with all of my dating, I treated this as a chance to make new friends – let’s keep expectations realistic. I also saw this as an opportunity to see a fascinating part of the world.

There were also men that came with great intentions but that were way too serious and business-like about it. For example, one guy knew nothing about courting – his dates were not dates but interviews. I spotted him several times at a hotel with several different women. Each time they would sit at a table and he would pull out his paper with a list of questions and then write down their answers and his notes.

I later asked him how his tour was going. He answered that things were going great and that he thought he had found his future wife. Knowing about his “courting” techniques, I asked about his most romantic moment. He really did not have a response and instead talked about his future wife. He even came prepared with a ring! To him, this was a shopping trip. I don’t think he even considered that his chosen one might say no to him. If anyone was going to be taken advantage of or heartbroken, this guy was it.

At the other end of the spectrum were the guys that were just there to have a good time and get laid. I met one guy who had been to several of the tours and had more planned. To him, it was all just about down and dirty sex – no romance. And if he did not succeed in bringing one of the ladies back to his hotel he would resort to plan B: hire one of the hotel hookers. During breakfast one morning, I mentioned that I was unable to sleep because one of the girls I had met before kept calling my room. His response was something like “you should have invited her over – she’s fun and she’s clean”. (More on this woman on a later post.)

I will admit that I had a great time hanging out with some of the guys. In-between dates we would meet at a bar, have a few drinks and exchange some very funny stories - some even related to our dates.